#99 Badass Giveaway and TRUCKIN' LIFE

SPECIAL BADASS GIVEAWAY: As a gift to you for supporting me through 99 Badass adventures, stay tuned at the end of this post for a special giveaway.

Now, onto the story…

BADASS BIG RIG

I was that kid on the school bus who frantically pumped my arm up and down with my classmates hoping the truck driver would honk his horn, and when it happened, I remember so clearly how the bus erupted in cheers.

And I also remember clearly on a family road trip when I learned that the big rigs had sleeping quarters in the cab. I mean, whaaaaat??? My imagination ran away with what that could possibly be like.

Was it a bare bones cocoon-type space where the truck driver would slide himself into a sleeping pod?

Or would the sleeping space be bigger – like would it have a full kitchen, a den, and a claw foot bathtub?

Were they decorated? Lava lamps? A Farrah Fawcet-in-a-red-swimsuit poster? Shag carpet? (Remember, this was the 70s).

As I got older, my curiosity only got stronger about the big-rig lifestyle.

Why do their wheels have the spikey things on the hub caps?
How do they know what kinds of routes to take so they don’t get stuck under a bridge?
What do truck drivers actually do at the truck stops?
What exactly are weight stations and why are they always closed?
How do they manage a big rig through big cities?
Do they really notice kids pumping their arms to get air horn honks and why don’t they honk more often?
And really…what DO your sleeping quarters look like?

Luckily, Randy, one of our Badass Crew™, drives for a living and graciously invited me for a show and tell.

Now listen, y’all. I have been beside big rigs on the road before but never really paid attention to the size of these bad boys.

His truck was ENORMOUS! I can’t say that emphatically enough. I mean, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS MAN CAN WRANGLE THIS GIGANTIC PIECE OF MACHINERY.

Just standing next to it made me feel like I was on the set of Honey I Shrunk the Kids.

He opened the back of the trailer for us to be able to check it out. First of all, it was so high off the ground that it was a feat of nature seeing us hoist ourselves up and in. Ang was much more graceful than I was in the process. I looked like a floundering salmon trying to swim upstream.

Once we got in, we realized it was long enough for us to do almost a 50 yard dash. Or maybe more of a 10 yard dash. Or something like that. So we raced each other. Poor Randy just stood outside shaking his head. I’m sure he was seriously questioning the value of his decision of allowing this field trip to take place.

Anyways, once we got tired of that and learned all about how the loads are packed in, distributed, tied down and stuff like that, Randy took us on a tour of the wheels, teaching us how the wheels can be brought forward and back, depending on the state requirements for load distribution.

And he answered all my questions about weigh stations including how now because things are automated, their fees of going through a weigh station are added to their EZ-pass account. I never even thought about a big rig’s EZ-pass system, and let me tell you – the receiver for that is just as gigantic as the big-rig itself.

Then the glory of the field trip happened…I got to climb inside the cab and pretend to be a driver. There were three gigantic stairs leading into the cab and Randy gave us the safety lecture of “three points of contact at all times”, which Ang and I dutifully performed (and to our glee, we caught Randy doing “two points of contact” when he disembarked after the field trip which we sternly reprimanded him about.

Man…that driver’s chair is COM----FY! I mean, it should be. And apparently it’s not altogether comfy when driving through Indiana, Illinois, and other states with poor road conditions. But when you are sitting in a parking lot, my derriere was settled in quite nicely and I could have fallen asleep there.

Guess what?

I got to blow the air horn. And I did. Over and over.

Bucket list item – check!

To answer the air horn question, yes. Drivers do see kids – and adults – signaling them to blow the horn. And he does, sometimes. It depends on whether it is safe to do so. And yes, he can see the celebrations that happens when he does.

During our field trip ride, I tried to reverse the process by pumping my arm to get cars to beep.It was a miserable failure. I did get an old lady to laugh though. Or maybe she was laughing because she was listening to Lake Woebegone on NPR.

I also got to play on the CB, but for some reason, Randy didn’t encourage me to try to get other truck drivers to play a game of Encore with me via CB. Not sure why. I’m sure they have lovely singing voices and would have embraced the idea of playing along. But I guess he knows best.

He uses THREE GPS systems. One is a totally automated company-specific system that gets him to point A to point B with all kinds of notifications about how to get there safely. The second is his back-up for when there is traffic or an accident to see what the best way around it is. And the third is his phone for final “just in case” support.

Remember how I wanted to know how truck drivers know how to avoid going under bridges that are low? I mean, they do have signs to notify you but often they are right before you get to them, right?

Well Randy says that’s what the truck driver-specific GPS tech does is they tell you ahead of time and plan out your route to avoid those areas.

Yup. That makes sense.

But, he warned that that’s not foolproof. Most cities give a few extra inches for wiggle room to avoid smash-ups. That makes sense. But that’s not always the case. Let’s give a shout out to our dear city Chicago. Apparently when Chicago does road repairs, they don’t shave down the road before laying down a new layer of pavement. Which means that the clearance is shorter than what the signs and the GPS warns about. So it is not uncommon for trucks to get wedged in and need to be can-openered to get out. Randy says that happens all the time.

So Chicago, if you are reading this, be best. Fix the problem, k? Randy would appreciate it.

The truck also has a special tracker to keep an eye on what the drivers are doing on the road. For example, if the truck goes over a line, it sounds an alarm to alert the driver. If it happens again in a specific amount of time, it sounds another alarm – and turns on the video inside the cab. Big Brother vs. Safety Officer? You be the judge.

And get this – there is NO video camera for the big rig to see what’s going on behind them. I mean, what??? All of our cars have rear view cameras, right? So why doesn’t a big rig the length of a football field have a back-up camera to help them with parking?

And this also explains a significant complication when it comes to changing lanes on the road. Say for example there is an accident up ahead and all traffic needs to merge to the right. As cars, we know that it’s easy for us to slip in and out of traffic to get to where we need to be. And often times it’s by slipping in front of a big rig with the open space they are required to have between vehicles. So that makes it super hard for big rigs to slow down enough when someone does that. But it’s even harder because cars won’t let big rigs in when merging. AND THEY CAN’T SEE WHAT’S GOING ON TO HELP WITH THE MERGE. I mean, they have their mirrors, but that doesn’t mean they can see well. So my PSA to y’all is to be kind to these incredibly hard working folks and LET THEM IN, DAGNAMMIT!

Turns out that’s what the CB if often for. The truck drivers warn each other about upcoming accidents and what lane for them to start getting into to give them time to move over before it gets highly congested. WISE!

As to what happens if the truck hits something? Well, Randy has been in the unfortunate situation where a cow walked into the road in the middle of the night and instantly became ground beef. The truck was out of commission for a hot while because of the damage. Why a cow was wandering the highway in the we hours of the morning, we’ll never know. But it creates such a problem that Randy is now the owner of a $2000 Cow Catcher bar on the front of his rig.

And why do trucks have the spikes on their hub caps? Is it to take out tires of cars that get too close to them? Nope. They are just pretty. Truckers like them to glam their big rigs up.

This is an incredibly hard job, to be a truck driver. I think I knew that before, but this field trip taught me so much more than I realized. Randy took us out for a drive as he shared with us stories of what the life is like on the road.

It’s actually hella dangerous staying at truck stops. There’s a lot of crime and misdemeanors that happen around there and you always have to be on your guard. Luckily, Randy often brings the mighty and ferocious Jax along. This sweet little puppy will give awareness barks to warn Randy of anything coming their way when parked.

There are different truck stop types – and each one has various benefits. Loves, for example, have the best showers. They have an app that you can reserve a shower and it will let you know when your own private bathing area is ready. And you get a free shower with 50-gallon fill-up.

But other truck stops offer membership rates where you can have two showers a day.

And there are other affiliations within his own company where you can stop to get free showers and do laundry.

Of course, I grilled him at length about what he does when he has to go the bathroom on the road. I won’t get into the details, though. I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

But for food – that can be a problem. Think of this, he can’t just pull into a drive through like we do when we are on the road, and he can’t pull into grocery store parking lots or restaurants very easily. But he does have a refrigerator and a microwave, so he’s able to make himself meals on the road when he’s parked, and has his favorite snacks to keep him going (and awake) on the road.

And yes, the moment you have all been waiting for is here: the description of the living quarters of the cab.

It’s really good sized! It has two bunk beds, so if there are tandem drivers, one can sleep while the other drives, or there can be two people on the road together. Randy’s daughter came on the road with him for a month one time. That sounds like an amazing adventure! And they could comfortably sleep in their own space.

There’s a ton of storage, and accessibility to bells and whistles when it comes to entertainment, lights, etc. But no Farrah Fawcet poster. I think I will send him one. And also, a poster of his beloved Angela. Of course.

Randy, you are truly badass. I have NO idea how you do what you do. It is an incredibly difficult job – mentally and physically – and I am so impressed. Thank you for taking us on this field trip and for finally answering all my questions.

SNORKEL SCHENANIGANS:

I went snorkeling the other day just for funsies and I saw two things I have never seen before.

The entire ocean floor was covered – I mean covered – with living sand dollars. Thousands of them. I did my best not to set my feet down because I didn’t want to smush any of them. Oliver and Emily know that I had a bad experience one time with not realizing when sand dollars are alive or dead, so I make it a point now to make amends and rebuild my sand dollar karma. But oh my goodness….what an experience seeing so many of them hanging out and having a sand dollar Lalapalooza on a bright sunny afternoon.

I was in the middle of a feeding frenzy. Birds were hunting swarms of fish who were swimming all around me trying to hide. But those silly fish weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed and they kept plopping out of the water over and over, which – I thought – makes it super easy for the birds to see where they were. Unless they were trying to splash the birds away. Who knows? And yes, I kept my eye out for sharks thinking that if there were lots of swarming fish, there might be a few bigger marine predators at play too. It all added to the excitement.

Here is where I question my growing-up about whether my parents raised me to be a little bit too unafraid of those in the sea along with me. In this case, should I have been more concerned about the possibility of sharks or am I being wise for balancing my curiosity with my personal safety?

I think they raised me to have a good balance. This story will tell you why I think so.

My parents reported they went to the beach last week and were thrilled that a purple flag was flying. A purple flag means that there is dangerous marine life in the water. This day, that meant the water was flooded with Moon jellyfish -- the size of dinner plates.

So I casually asked if they were disappointed they couldn’t go in the water.

They both paused before telling me that they did go in the water and it was amazing to be surrounded by the jellyfish. Moon jellyfish bring little danger to humans and as mom said, “Even if they sting, it doesn’t hurt much”.

Did I warn them to be careful and maybe next time avoid any of that risk?

Yes.

Did I give this warning only because I felt it was the reasonable thing to do as a daughter/nurse?

Yes.

If I was there with them, would I have wanted to go in the water and play with the jellyfish myself?

Also yes.

Could there be risk with going swimming with the jellyfish?

Maybe.

Were mom and dad educated enough to know the risks involved?

Yes.

If I had encouraged them or me to not go in, would that decision have been based on fear rather than truth?

Yes.

Same with the shark issue.

Are there sharks in the gulf?

Yes.

Could I get eaten by one.

Sure but not intentionally.

If there are fish frenzying about, would that increase the likelihood of sharks.

Probably.

Would the sharks be looking to intentionally eat me?

Nope. They like their fish.

Is there a risk?

I guess.

Is it enough of a risk to restrict what I love to do?

Not for me. Maybe for others.

So, know that if I get eaten by a shark later on in life, I did it intentionally, stupidly, but in doing something that I love. Ok?

INFLATABLE WATER PARK

Ellen, Ang and I decided to tackle a giant inflatable waterpark located in an abandoned quarry in Hudson, FL. It looked like so much fun and I pictured myself fleet-footed running around the course, gracefully scaling the obstacles and larking around in relaxed glee.

Well…

I was the first one up. I was proud of myself for hoisting myself onto the landing deck and as the others watched, I proceeded to “run” for the first obstacle which was a series of two inflated hills.

Except my feet slid out from me and I face-planted right on the first hill, sliding back in a puddle of hysterical laughter.

Keep in mind, these “hills” were probably three feel high. They weren’t mountains, y’all.

But my feet could not get traction.

So Ellen tried. Same thing, and at this point, the three of us were piled in a heap, belly laughing in hysterics.

So Ang tried. She managed to summit the hill but got temporarily stuck on the top before she slowly slid back down to basecamp, where Ellen and I were rolling with laughter.

The rest of the morning on the inflatables went exactly like that.

While I still feel like I’m 10 years old, my body was saying, “You ain’t”. My balance sucked and I fell in the water over and over. I was regretting my decision to wear my water sneakers, especially when I asked a lifeguard if it’s always this slippery and he said, “Well, they did soap it up on Wednesday so there is probably some residue”. Maybe he was saying it to be sympathetic to my plight or maybe it was true.

He was very kind and offered a hand to help me around one particularly gnarly obstacle, which was kind of him. But that meant I had no reason not to try to tackle the hardest and most courage-required part – climbing the big old tower.

I somehow got to the top – thanks Ang and Ellen for helping coach me up!—and we surveyed our surroundings.

We could:

1. Slide down the almost vertical slide.

2. Jump off the other side of the tower.

3. Try to climb back down.

We slid and splashed down with a satisfaction of knowing we tackled our fears and with a surprisingly long-lasting pain on the back of our legs from the heat of the slide.

I wish I was able to get photos from this adventure because they would have been hilarious.

You will just have to settle for some of the photos from our post-event lunch where Ang ordered a “Meat Salad”, Ellen used the word “Slacks” non-ironically, and I asked for cinnamon butter to go with my sweet potato fries as per the server’s recommendations and she brought out a literal vat of it.

Three musketeers for-eva!!!

BADASS GIVEAWAY

To thank you for sticking with me through the last two years of adventures, I would love to give something special to the first 10 people that request one.

I've been having some fun in the pottery studio lately and I found something I trust truly have fun making, and am happy to make one for you.

Announcing the "Emotional Support Potato".