It's hecka cold in Milwaukee.
I asked the Budget rental car agent how she was doing, and she said simply, "Cold." Then after a pause, she seemed to reconsider her answer and said, "But it's going to get colder."
There are certain things I have forgotten about being away from the Midwest for the long three years since I've been gone.
The white road salt that gets all over you no matter how hard you try to get in and out of the car carefully.
The meat. At every meal. A lot of meat.
Having to scrape the windshield when your car gets covered during the time you are in the rink.
And people that complain about the cold.
Myself included.
Oliver really wanted my parents to watch one last hockey game. "Let's get the oldies to the rink!" So we strategized and decided to surprise them with this weekend.
I wanted them to have a fun weekend, not only filled with watcing hockey and hugging Oliver, but a comfortable, if not luxurious, few days to thank them for their huge part in Oliver's upbringing and for the millions of hours Dad played hockey in our driveway with Oliver and for the millions of games they went to to cheer him on.
So we packed ourselves up and headed to the airport at 4am to get onto our flight.
Mom has this cool trick. Though she will strongly fight any kind of assistance like an elbow for security or dropping her off at the door of a restaurant (she's got the german stubborness.) But when she goes to the airport, she whips out her walking sticks before you can say "Do you need a hand with that?". Why? Because she gets treated like a queen and gets all kinds of perks.
Packed security line? No worries...the kindly TSA agents waved us towards the handicapped lanes.
Worried about getting on the plane with no time to settle yourself in? No worries...the walking sticks gave us special attention access and got us on the plane first.
Next time, though, I'm going to warn her that she probably shouldn't ditch her sticks while peppily walking to the bathroom in front of the gate agent if she wants a better shot of early boarding again in the future.
After landed, we had some time to kill. Our Air BnB wouldn't be available until 4pm and we landed at 9. So what to do?
In a city where there isn't really a whole lot going on (no offense to any Milwaukee fans).
On a really, really cold day.
With two old people.
Who are determined that icy sidewalks aren't a reason to be careful when walking.
The answer was simple. Coffee.
We went to a snug coffee shop on the campus of the Milwaukee School of Engineering.
While mom and dad got their favorite black coffee (boooooooring), I decided to get one of the coffee shop's experimental espresso drinks called the Motorhead.
This drink featured pork belly caramel apple syrup, root beer bitters, and sea salt.
The bartender proudly passed the foamy cup to me as if he was presenting his firstborn. I accepted it with the honor that I felt he was hoping I would, and carefully carried it to my table.
The three of us eyed it suspiciously. Mom politely passed from taking a sip. Dad was brave and gave it the old college try.
I saw what looked like a tiny shudder as he casually slid it over to mom. She was willing to take a sip. Then she slid it back over to me, and they both stared me with interest as I gave it a go.
The taste? The taste was creamy, sweet, and salty with a hint of coffee and citrus. Not bad.
The smell? The smell was the absolute worst smelling, off-putting aromatic experience. It gave me flashbacks of a patient I had in home care who had a festering urostomy tube in a house with multiple cats with questionable litter box habits.
But the bartender was nearby and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I plugged my nose.....and got about half down before I gave up.
I did, however, win two games of Spite and Malice, so maybe the coffee, as bad as it was, brought me good luck.
After that, we headed to Mader's -- the German restaurant famous for girthy sausages, giant beer steins, and a roster of famous people who have visited (most of whom are dead).
I ordered the girthy sausages. There's a lot of meat in this town.
We had a couple of hours to kill before our check-in so we headed to the movie theater to take a nap on the recliner chairs in the dark of the theater.
Sounded like a good plan, but the movie I chose was Plane: the tale of a plane crash--but they survived -- but they landed on a deserted island -- but the island is full of anti-government militia - but they kept finding more and more machine guns, bazookas, and other explosives...until - spoiler alert - they escaped. There were so many explosions, lightning crashes, and screams of agony that it was impossible to sleep. Plus, it was a really fun movie to watch. Highly recommended.
After we finally got into the Air BNB for a quick nap, we headed into the rink to watch Illinois State take on MSOE. Two games in two days.
And what fun games they were! The grandparents got to see their fair share of goals, fights and lots and lots of penalties. Excited moments, tense moments -- the kind of hockey that gives you bursts of joy and cringes of tension.
Grandparents are the best fans ever!
And Dad got to do something he hasn't been able to do in the thousands of hockey games he has been to....he got to ride on the Zamboni!
And the driver liked dad so much that he invited him to come back that nigtht to "take the old Zam out on the ice for a spin". :)
Too bad that the next time the Zam went out on the ice, it broke down halfway through. What button did you push, Dad? Wonder if they will make a new "no grandfather rides allowed" rule from now on.
So, wonderful times with them celebrating with Oliver, and seeing the love that Oliver has for them.
We had other adventures too in the cold, cold city of Milwaukee.
We went to a pickle store. (My parents' nickname for me is Pickle, so it made sense to go).
We went to a pretty amazing breafast place, complete with the same dining robots that we have in our communities. And, I had to be like the guy in the Progressive commercial and tell my parents that they did not need to stop at every table to say hello.
And we had a pretty un-amazing place to stay.
I believed the reviews on AirBNB that the house I picked was "Cozy", "Delightful" and "Oh, so comfortable".
It wasn't.
It was "Cold", "Tiny", and "Oh, so completely inappropriate for old people to stay". ie: inaccessible bathtub, no salt or shovel to clear off walkways, and freezing cold bedrooms with space heaters.
Here is the "Complimentary water and snack basket" they left for us. Waaay too generous of them, doncha think?
The good thing was my parents are troopers and never complain. Well, Dad doesn't. Mom is in the middle of writing a passive agressive letter to the AirBNB owner to GENTLY explain to her how she needs to make some modifications to prevent severe law suits in the future from old people taking a nose dive on the front portch. I love my mom and hope I'll be like her when I grow up.
Wisconsin being Wisconsin, there was a snowstorm coming over us during our last night, so I texted our AirBNB owner to find out how the sidewalks and streets would be cleared . She assured me the maintenence team would be there before we left to take care of the shoveling.
They weren't.
So Dad and I scoped out the house for shovels.
There were none.
The garage was locked too.
So we decided that the broom and the pizza pan would do the trick.
And they did.
Barely.
After I got home, I sent my own little passive aggressive note to the owner, encouraging her to consider getting a shovel and rock salt for her future guests because, it's, you know... WISCONSIN!!!! (I guess I am more like my mom than I thought!!!)
Her response? "I'll have the maintainance team leave the shovel outside in case of another big snow fall. It has been a fairly mild winter though".
Freaking dumbass Wisconsin. What an ass.
I think I will not be going back there again anytime soon.
Unless there is more hockey to watch. And unless my parents are willing to badass adventure with me again! Then it would be totally worth it.
Thanks Mom and Dad for making it such a special weekend for me and especially for Oliver. We love you so much!!!!
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