#76 Badass Scary Clowns and Deranged Prisoners

I tackled a beast of a phobia of mine this weekend! I've always been terrified of haunted houses and jump scares. Back in the day, I would go to Scream in the Dark haunted house in Topsfield, MA, and I would bury my face in my friend's back, keeping my eyes screwed as tight as I could, and didn't see any bit of what was inside. Just the noises and sudden rushes of air was enough to terrify me beyond belief.

The "Fun" houses at carnivals gave me nightmares, and jump scares during horror movies just about had me running out of the room.

Want to hear something so ridiculous? I was even scared in Disney's Haunted Mansion when I would bring the kids on it when they were little. Most of the time, I had my eyes closed super tight then too.

But IT IS TIME TO PUT ON MY BIG GIRL PANTS AND BUCK UP. TIME TO FACE MY FEARS!

So my dear, trusty badass friends and I headed to Scream-A-Geddon, a group of 6 haunted houses in the middle of random farmland somewhere in the woods of Florida.

Before heading to what I call "The Beth Torture Zone", we stopped at The Krate for dinner. This area is so cool -- a series of 75 shipping containers that have been converted to restaurants, stores, and bars. We got a random hodgepodge of Argentenian food, Charcuterie, Ramen, and loaded french fries, as well as some syringe-filled jello shots, and chowed down.

Maybe that was a bad idea. What if I got so scared I throw up all over my friends? If I threw up on a bloody-faced Zombie chasing me through the haunted house, would he get super pissed and torment me even more? Maybe I better not go. I don't relish the thought of a vomit-covered, super-pissed, bloody-faced Zombie getting all up in my business.

Too late. We ended up at Scream-a-geddon before I had a chance to back out.

House #1: 3-D Terror complete with horrible 3D Glasses

The first house was a strobe-light, fogged, nightmare where actors blended in with the psychedelic wallpaper and dangling scary clown punching bags just enough that your 3-D glasses caught sight of them only when they were charging at you.

For this one, poor Ang had to be in the front and Gwen took caboose role. I was tucked in between my two friends and I was determined not to keep my eyes closed. I grabbed hold of the back of Ang's shirt and grabbed for Gwen's hand and hung on for dear life.

Was it terrifying? Oh yup, it certainly was. Could I have gotten through it without my chokehold on Ang and clutching Gwen's hand? Nope. Not a chance. Did I keep my eyes open the whole time. Um...nope. But I'm proud to say they were open for the majority of the time.

Only once did I truly panic. At one point, we turned a corner and realized we had to push our way through inflated plastic blobs with things on either side of the narrow path waiting to grab us. Ang, turned tail, said, "Oh hell no" and took the back position. Gwen, much braver than me, took the lead and pulled the three of us through. I contributed by screaming my head off the entire way. We got through that, but the hallway suddenly became dark, and Gwen crashed into a wall in front of her. I crashed into her and Ang crashed into me. It was like a Tom & Jerry cartoon, and made us laugh even harder. It's so hard to scream while laughing hysterically but I did it all night long.

House #2: The Insane Asylum

We took on an insane asylum. Cindy went bravely first, followed by Jason and then me, hanging onto his sweatshirt for dear life. We walked through some very unhygenic medical practices and not one piece of PPE in sight. What would OSHA say? The poor patients kept screaming they needed their pills, but didn't seems to want my suggestion for a stool softener. Lots of blood. Lots of poop. Lots of patients trying to hit you. Reminded me of my first job at HUP on the neuro floor. Not too scary. But scary enough I think I deafened Jason with my shrieks.

The Insane Asylum gave you an opporutnity to wear a glow necklace. In wearing the necklace, you give permission for the actors to grab you, touch you, pull you away from the group and keep you in the house for an extended time. I thought that this was a really badass thing to do and would really test me.

But I'm not stupid. Not a freaking chance would I do this! That would be a big NOPE.

House #3: Demon Danger

Our third haunted house was fine, but tempered by the fact we had to wait two hours in line to get in. But once in, we got through the Demon Danger and escaped alive. I loved the outdoor set of the church and stockage. And there was a full moon so it looked even cooler.

#4 House: Criminal Prison

The best haunted house was the Criminal Prison. All the other houses had a clear path of where you were supposed to walk.

Well, kind of. Sometimes you couldn't see where you were supposed to go because it was totally dark. Sometimes the floor would drop out form beneath you. Sometimes there would be a choice of two ways to go -- basically deciding whether you want to battle the screaming zombie or the terrifying clown.

But the Prison had you walk into a maze of random hallways and rooms, and you just had to try to find your way through. This was my favorite house because it didn't rely only on jump scares but the actors got right in your face, saying the most hillarious things that were also terrifying, following you around and lurking behind you. This totally unhinged Ang who's particular trigger is having someone following her. The prisoners would stick to her like glue, sensing her fear, and got her to the point she just shrieked at them, "GO AWAY" before running at full speed in front of Gwen and me, heading for the exit.

My method of having them leave me along? I would look them in the face and bravely say, "Well hello young man". Tended to stop them in their tracks, and with some disappointment, they went on to terrorize Gwen and Ang instead. Sorry guys.

Since we weren't wearing the glow necklaces, they did not touch us. But we saw several people wearing glow neclaces who were locked in the random jail cells with various creepy, psychotic prisoners. Uh......no thanks. Nope. No way.

Outside the houses were roaming creatures. Again, they seemed to love Ang and followed her everywhere. I thought they were grand and got some good pictures with them.

Would I go to a haunted house again?

Oh my head...YES!!!!!!!

Was it as horrible as I thought it would be?

Nope. It was so much fun! I screamed and laughed so hard at the same time I couldn't breathe. I loved it!

Would I go back to Scream-a-geddon?

Not unless they get the line situation worked out. It made me cranky having to wait in line so long. And one thing that shouldn't happen at a haunted house is any crankiness or negatively of any kind. It should be all sunshine, roses and unicorns, right?

So maybe next year, we'll try a new place. Anyone want to join us? I've got a nice glow necklace you can borrow!